This past weekend at my daughter's Rugby PA State Championships, I wore my Team USA gear.
And no, I’m not going to Abu Dhabi.
With everything happening in the Middle East, it just doesn’t feel like the right decision for me or my family. And truthfully, even before that, I was wrestling with the reality of what a November world championship would demand on top of business, parenting, caregiving, the holidays, and life.
That’s been hard to admit.
Because if I’m honest, a part of me deeply, deeply wanted the quest.
Not just the race itself… but the idea of it.
The commitment. The edge. The forcing function that demands more from you.
And maybe that’s what I’ve really been reflecting on lately about goal setting.
Sometimes the disappointment isn’t about missing a specific event. It’s grieving the opportunity to test your mettle against something worthy.
I felt some of that this year missing Duathlon Nationals in Michigan, too. The timing collided with a work trip, Mother’s Day, my dad’s birthday, Allegra’s Sweet 16, and Rugby States. Beautiful things. Important things. But still… there’s a tension when you’re wired to compete, you've worked hard to earn the qualification and the right to be there, and you are inspired by desire to stretch and pursue excellence.
And standing on the sidelines at rugby this season reminded me of something important:
Competition, at its best, isn’t about defeating one another. It’s about calling something greater out of one another.
The root of “inspire” literally means “to breathe into.”
Great competitors do that. Great teammates do that. Great coaches do that.
They breathe life into the possibility that you can become more than you currently are.
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That’s what I love about sport.
Not medals. Not rankings. Not even winning. The quest for better.
Watching these girls pursue a state championship together this weekend, I’m reminded that sometimes the goal isn’t the specific arena we imagined…
…it’s staying courageous enough to keep seeking growth, challenge, and meaningful competition in whatever season in which we find ourselves.
And maybe maturity is realizing that wisdom and ambition don’t always oppose each other.
Sometimes they refine each other.
I'll explain. For years, ambition has meant pushing, maximizing, saying "yes" to the hard things because they are hard. And there is real goodness there - it's built a lot of my life.
But maturity introduces new variables like discernment, sustainability, responsibility to others, peace, alignment. Just because I can do something, doesn't mean I should.
So the tension I wrestled (am wrestling) with was (is) "Am I backing down or am I finally learning how to choose?"
Immature ambition blindly says, "If it stretches me, I should do it."
Mature ambition says, "Not every hard thing is mine to carry in this season. Is this aligned with my purpose? Does it cost something beyond me? Will it deepen my life or fragment it?"
And maybe that’s what the best competitors ultimately learn: The goal isn’t to chase every hard thing. It’s to become wise enough to know which challenges are worthy of your full heart.
Best of luck to the Downingtown Rugby Seniors!
"Second in the charts. First in our hearts." Coach Snow